Brothers In Blog

It might seem like old news but Obama won the State of Hawaii — not just a win, but a landslide win. And while Obama has been on a winning streak lately, the streak doesn’t explain this enormous victory. What is it about Obama that the residents of Hawaii like so much?

Obama once called Hawaii home

Obama grew up in Hawaii, and while he might not live there anymore, Hawaii residents still consider him an “islander” (a.k.a. good old local boy). And when a “local” is involved in anything outside of Hawaii, islanders throw caution to the wind and mindlessly line up to vote, support, or worship the individual just because he or she came from Hawaii.

What makes Hawaii so strange — um, I mean “special”

Residents love the label ‘Hawaii’s own” in the Aloha State. Nothing gives islanders greater joy than to claim any amount of ownership of someone or something (unless of course your name happens to be Star Simpson). But to really understand where this lemming like behavior comes from, you need to understand what makes Hawaii unique when compared to other States. Therefore, here it is, the top 5 things (in no particular order) that make Hawaii so “special.”

#1: Kill Haole Day

Haole is the Hawaiian word for “foreigner.” Despite the literal translation, you’re only a haole if you’re Caucasian and if that is the case, then the last day of school is when you’re the target for name calling, bullying, and a good old fashion beating. Don’t believe me? Let’s put it this way, it only took Hawaii till 1999 to finally wake up and realize that kill haole day is basically a hate crime (also, check Wikipedia for other relevant Kill Haole Day links and stories).

#2: High School More Important Than College

Normally, once you’ve left High School and gone on to College where you went to college takes precedence over your High School education — that logic doesn’t apply in Hawaii. Where you went to High School is EVERYTHING in Hawaii. And the friction between public and private schools is beyond comprehension. I have to admit, to this very day when I meet someone else from Hawaii the question of High School alma mater always comes up. Here’s a real conversation between myself and friend introducing me to someone else he knew from Hawaii:

Friend: Bret (me), let me introduce you to my friend Jane who is also from Hawaii.

Me: Hi, nice to meet you.

Jane: Hi. What High School did you go to?

Me: Kaiser (a public High School). Where did you go?

Jane: Punahou (private school that Obama also attended).

Me: Oh.

That was it! Conversation over. Jane looked at me and I looked at her and my friend didn’t have the slightest idea what just happened.

#3: Pidgin English Preferred Language

Hawaiian is a beautiful sounding language, but it’s a “dead” language. Even though some residents go to great lengths to keep the language alive, it’s an uphill battle. But while true Hawaiian is rarely spoken, Pidgin English abounds throughout the island chain. A bastardized version of the English language Pidgin is perfectly acceptable in Hawaii. “Tree” instead of “three”, “da” replaces “the”, and “la’ dat” translates to “like that.” You can even see two examples of Pidgin “in action” on Obama’s High School yearbook photo shown above. “Laters” translates to “see you later” and “We go play hoops” — well, that phrase explains itself.

#4: Hawaiian History Taught Instead of American History

Schools in Hawaii do teach the obligatory Pilgrim/Mayflower story but that’s about it when it comes to American history. The rest of the time students are force fed endless amounts of Hawaiian history (a.k.a Hawaiiana). I may not know much about the founding of the 13 colonies and other important bits of American history but I can quote chapter and verse on the uniting of the Hawaiian islands under Kamehameha the first, Captain Cooke’s discovery of the “sandwich islands”, and the overthrow of the Hawaiian Monarchy, which by the way is lamented by nearly all residents except, of course, the Haoles.

#5: Food Superstitions

Food allergies are one thing, and general superstitions are another but when the two come together you have a truly “Hawaiian” oddity. Pork is good, a national campaign branded it the “other white meat.” Hawaii residents like their pork but they don’t like it uncooked in their car when driving over the Pali Highway. Motorist traveling over the Pali with uncooked pork have reported car trouble until the raw pork was removed. This superstition has something to do with Pele (the fire Goddess) and Kamapua’a (half human half hog God), but the details of the “beef” between the two Hawaiian Deities escapes me at the moment. To summarize, no self-respecting “local” brings home the bacon via the Pali highway unless it’s cooked.

So, the next time you hear some strange news coming from Hawaii, or where Hawaii is a significant part of the story, you can hopefully understand how something so strange can involve a place so beautiful. Laters, and shaka brah.