Grief Counselor? Good Grief!
Just a few days ago, there was a devastating house fire at Ocean Isle Beach, SC that took the lives of 7 students. The cause of the fire has yet to be determined, but it is believed to have started on the outside deck. If I was a betting man, I’d say the cause will be a smoldering cigarette or hot charcoal briquette that fell through the bottom of a rusted Weber.
Now, I don’t want to seem unsympathetic, and this was definitely a tragedy, but tragedies occur every day all over the world with no media attention. However, does every tragedy that is somehow linked to a school in the U.S. have to be followed by a team of grief counselors? I can recall at least one unexpected death of a fellow student while I was in the 8th Grade, and other than a brief snippet in the local paper there were no psychologists, psychiatrists, or social workers swarming our campus the next morning. In fact, if I had asked to speak to a counselor I would have been sent to the Guidance Counselor’s office.
When 9/11 happened I went through all the cycles: disbelief, anger, grief, etc. Did the event keep me from going to work the next day? No. Did I scour the telephone book looking for professional counseling to ask “Why did this happen?” No. Does that mean that I was insensitive. Absolutely not. I think there is definite merit in seeking professional counseling during difficult times, but it has gotten to the point that we expect representatives from our local Mental Health Department to come and rock us to sleep when we have a bad day.
Just because you parked next to the victim’s car in school doesn’t qualify you as a grieving party. Instead of focusing on your own petty weaknesses, pray for those families and close friends that suffered a loss in this event. Ask God to grant them the strength and courage to move forward so that they will find His peace. By putting the welfare of others first, you will find a renewed strength to keep pressing on.
Now, for all those campus candlelight vigil holders that just can’t seem to pass up an opportunity to light a wick, go on and hug the neck of a perfect stranger and sing another chorus of Kumbaya if it makes your life feel complete. Tomorrow, while the grief counselors head back to the office and the families bury their dead you’ll be tuned out once again to those living around you with your iPod in one hand and your cafe latte in the other.
on November 1st, 2007 at 8:00 am
We didn’t have “grief counselors” in Hawaii because if something bad happened with any frequency, the locals called in the Hawaiian priest to bless whatever needed blessing in order to rid the area of “evil Hawaiian spirits.” I’m going to guess that today they might call in the “grief counselors” when something bad happens (in an effort to keep up with the latest trend) but I’ll bet they’re actually Hawaiian priests that moonlight as “grief counselors.” One way or the other I’ll bet they cover their bases back in the islands.
on November 1st, 2007 at 11:07 am
Yes, there is a time and season for grief counselors. However, it would usually be in the privacy of one’s life as grieving is a private process. Everyone grieves in a different way. You’ve read of those people who have turned their tragedy into a positive effort and even a national organization such as MADD, etc.
I’m not insensitive but I would rather see people gather for celebrations than “pull out all the stops” to attend a funeral. How much effort did you put into getting together with that individual when they were alive?
Let’s give these families privacy to grieve, and perhaps the best grief counselor will be a friend or family member who will be there to ‘just listen’.
on November 3rd, 2007 at 8:25 am
As I suspected, fire investigators think the fire was started by improperly discarded smoking material.