Some of you may recall my experience with being a temporary host family for a foreign exchange student from France last Fall. I’m not going to rehash that saga, but I will say that it ended up on a very happy note with the student obtaining a new sponsor, returning back to her original host family in North Carolina, changing her visa and completing the school year. What I did not report on was that my family later agreed to host a student from South Korea for the entire school year. It is because of these two experiences that I believe I have some valuable insight to offer both the parents of exchange students and their host families.
Now, before I continue let me make a disclaimer. My comments are not directed at or to be considered a warning against any particular exchange organization. My comments are aimed at the industry as a whole and based on my personal experience and input from friends who have also hosted exchange students or the students themselves.
In speaking with the exchange students I have come in contact with, most would agree that a school year was too long to be away from home. Keep in mind that these are high school students ranging in age from 15-18 years and have probably never been away from home for more than a week or two, so sending them across the ocean without their parents for nearly a year is quite a shock. Another surprise for these students is how spread out everything is in America. Most of the students were used to convenient access to public transportation back home, but unless their host family is in the inner city they quickly found out that you need a car to get anywhere.
My wife and I were foster parents for a couple years and provided care for 7 children during that time, so I’m going to draw on that experience for a moment. In both foster parenting and student hosting, you are given a profile of the child being considered for placement. However, with foster parenting a case worker usually gives you all the personal background details about the child so you can make an educated decision on whether the child is a good fit for your home or not. With student hosting, the profile consists of nothing more than school grades, medical exam results, a basic demographic fact sheet and an essay style profile completed by the student themselves. With the student, you have no idea if there might be past behavioral problems that could become an issue in your home. If you have young children of your own at home, you may be placing them at risk without this information.
To the parents of exchange students, do you feel confident that a thorough background screening has been done on the host family where your child will be living for the next school year? Before I could become a foster parent in North Carolina, I was required to have a fingerprint background check performed; a homestudy completed by a licensed social worker; a home inspection by both the Department of Health and Fire Department; and I had to attend 30 hours of foster parent training. With the exception of the state of Utah, hosting an exchange student requires nothing more than a name-based local background check and a single home visit by the exchange sponsor’s representative, who is not required to have the expertise to conduct a qualified homestudy.
Another difference with foster care is that you receive a monthly subsidy to help cover the increase in household expenses such as food and utilities. With most exchange organizations, being a host parent means you absorb these costs. Unless you have raised or are currently raising teens, the increased grocery bill alone can set you back; especially with boys. Mom, did I eat that much food when I was in high school?
Discipline is another issue you will have to deal with. The rules and discipline the student was subject to with his or her parents may differ drastically from yours. While exchange organizations instruct their students to adhere to the house rules of the host family, conflict may occur if the student feels your expectations are too excessive to what they are used to.
All this may sound like I’m bashing hosting an exchange student but I’m not. I just want to raise awareness to various aspects of the experience that the exchange organization may not cover and definitely won’t dwell upon. To those persons considering hosting an exchange student, if you would not consider being a foster parent then don’t consider being a host family. Being a host family is more than just providing room and board for a visiting student; it’s an act of love and generosity. The reward you receive is knowing that you provided a safe environment for a stranger’s child and hopefully have gained a lifetime friendship.
For the parents of future exchange students, thoroughly research the organization you are entrusting to arrange care for your child for the next year. You also need to be aware that the exchange organization you are dealing with in your home country may subcontract with another exchange organization in the destination country to provide all the arrangements there, so make sure you ask who that will be so you can check them out too. Search the Internet for news involving the exchange organization, talk to other parents who have been through the process and even check with the government or licensing authority for exchange organizations to see if there are any complaints on file for the organization you are considering. If the organization does not require fingerprint background screening of host families then find one that does. Finally, don’t let your child leave the country without knowing who the permanent host family will be and what school they are going to. Some organizations will place students with a temporary host family or “Welcome Family”, but this is nothing more than a ploy to buy them time to keep looking for permanent host families and schools that will accept their students. If the exchange organization seems bothered by your requests then keep searching. This is your child’s life we’re talking about.
For a more complete list of items to consider when searching for an exchange organization and other tips, check out the non-profit organization CSFES (Committee for Safety of Foreign Exchange Students).